the weekends are SO HARD.

i go from being happy that i'm independant and self-sufficient and content with cleaning my bathroom and grocery shopping on a Friday night to being really PISSY about the fact that my phone never rings and i ANGRY that i'm cleaning my bathroom and grocery shopping on a Friday night...

but then Saturday comes, and I'm happy again to be cleaning and doing whatever other weekend chores that need to be done. but by about 6:00 i'm depressed again... wishing that i had plans... kickin myself, because i KNOW that i COULD have plans-- if i'd just make a phone call or two... but then being all poopy-pants again because "i don't want to have to make the calls"... then my phone rings and i actually have PLANS!!

(HOORAY!!! PLANS!!!)

then while i'm out-- DOING things... participating in my "PLANS"... i get depressed again... and the more i think about it "why am i so DOWN? i have PLANS!! (hooray!! plans!!!... remember??!?!!)" the more i realize how fucked up my life is right now.

Sunday = depressed again... sad to be alone... but at the same time not wanting plans... but still hoping that my phone rings...

it sucks for a happy person to be depressed. i don't know how to DEAL!

i can't function being down. i don't know how to do it... and right now, it seems like that's all i feel...

i'm ready to get past this bull shit and get on with my normal, happy life... whatever that is... i don't even know what that'll mean for me when i get my life back.

i know transition is a good thing. i know this is something i HAVE to go through. but it doesn't make it any easier.